Cable Companies

So, I just got off the phone with my cable company.  They are very nice, very cordial, I can call them 24/7 when I have a problem and talk to a real live person.  Perfecto, yes?  Well, except for one corporate mandate: shill services they don't have.  I only have cable internet, and a local phone.  I got the local phone because it costs $10 extra a month, and they waved the cost of my modem and the installation fees.  I was having a problem with my internet, and the nice young man got it straightened for me.  Wonderful!  Then he tried to get me to buy long-distance.  I told him, no thank you, I already spent enough on my cell phone, and there was no way they were talking me out of that, and no way that spending money on their long distance would not save me money.  So, then he tried to get me to get cable.  I told him no thank you, Hulu and Netflix saw me through just fine.  And he asked me about Sports, and I told him I watched one sporting event a year, and it came on the Xbox's ESPN app.  He then tried to assassinate the character of Netflix, implying that they were inferior to his plan.  I reminded him, that the two cost me $16 a month, and suited my tastes just fine.  He tried to insist that cable was superior, and I disagreed.  I asked him how many Korean dramas they had on demand.  He didn't understand my question.  So I told him that 70% of my TV activity consisted of watching the 200 or so Korean dramas on Hulu.  Where were the cable company's.  He told me to enjoy my Hulu.  I enjoy winning, but I hate being harassed.

Insomnia File #2

I can't sleep.  Again.  I need to be up in two hours.  I've given up all hope, so I'm just passing the time.  So, it's time for another insomnia file--aka, time for rampant narcissism in the form of "little known personal facts."

1. I name my blankets.  The newest one looks like army-green sheep's wool.  I named it Oscar, after the grouch.  Also on my bed is Kurt.  He is a navy blue fuzzy blanket, named after Nightcrawler of the X-Men.  Because I bought Oscar, I had to get rid of another blanket (otherwise my room would be filled with nothing BUT blankets), so Dust Bunny has to go.
2. They know me by name at Subway.
3. My new favorite show is "Raising Hope."  That being said, I think I bought my ukulele because of Shelley plays the ukulele.
4. I will be parked in front of the TV this weekend with a bottle of Mountain Dew and a plate of Totino's pizza rolls to watch the Winter X-Games.
5. My favorite book growing up was Clint's Be Cheerful Day.  It's a kind of lame story book sold only at the Baptist Bookstore in the late '80s about a little boy who gets the Chicken Pox during the week of Vacation Bible School (we Baptists are REAL big on VBS), and can't continue to go.  His grandmother comes over to take care of him, and they find fun things to do.  Sort of.  I don't know why, but the nostalgic value is still comforting.  
6. My worst job ever is a tie between working at the water board, where I hid in the storage room and read books, and when I worked 12-hours a day, seven-days a week for four months for a major insurance company.
7. I'm considering taking my grandmother on as a roommate.  
8. I love the smell of Repel bug spray.
9. My favorite Android game app is Alberi Plus.  Stupid birds.
10. My favorite TV show when I was a kid was "Get Smart."  No, I do not want to discuss the relatively recent Steve Carrel movie.
11. I have a 500k+ word Power Rangers fanfiction that I never posted anywhere.
12. I hate Wednesdays.  Bad things always find me on Wednesdays.

On a completely unrelated note, while searching for a job in which I could telecommute, I found a fun quote, reportedly attributed to Ziggy, or at least the creator of the Ziggy comic strip:

“You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.”

So, rather than complain that I can't sleep, I should rejoice that I am....awake?

Southern Comfort

Hi, my name is Karen, and I'm from the deep south.  Why, yes, my accent is as thick as my grandmother's pecan pie, but you can probably stop the trope-train there.

Yesterday morning, January 24, 2012, the area I grew up in was hammered by tornadoes.  My corner of Jefferson County, Alabama, was violated by the unforgiving and wanton winds of a tornado system.  Over 200 homes were destroyed, and at least two people died.  My best friend awoke on Monday to see a circle of destruction surround her home.  I have yet to watch any footage from the disaster.  Why?  Because I'm sick and tired of national coverage depicting southerners a particular way--especially those from Alabama.

From the coverage I have seen in my life, it would seem that Alabamians all live in trailer parks, are missing teeth, either wear moo-moos or overalls with no shirts, have rebel battle flags on their cars, and are completely ignorant as to the rules of grammar.  That kind of footage just adds insult to the injury already felt by the devastation of my home town, it's nigh on unbearable.  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with people who do fit that stereotype, I'm just tired of being stereotyped.

So, for the record:

• I do not live in a trailer park
• I did not drop out of high school.  In fact, I dropped out of graduate school.
• I still have all my teeth, except for my wisdom teeth.
• I wear normal clothes, especially if I'm going to be on camera.
• I don't hate black people, or gay people; nor do I exploit illegal aliens.
• I do not have a rebel battle flag sticker on the back of my car, on a t-shirt, or on a necklace.
• I did not get pregnant at fifteen.
• I own more than thirty pair of shoes, so I do not have to go barefoot.
• I do own a pick up truck, but it is only 6 years old, and it does not have rust spots on it
• The only thing I dislike about the north is their lack of biscuits and abundance of toast at breakfast restaurants.
• I do not drink sweet tea.
• My parents are not cousins.  

Did I cover everything?  I hope so.  Now, let's please put the silliness aside, and help those who are hurting.  Want to help?  Check out al.com's post on numerous ways to help--both locally and remotely.

This year, I'm going to...

Well, I don't usually make New Years' resolutions.  I don't really see what the beginning of the year has to do with major life changes, but I digress.  This year, though, I'm determined to learn to play the ukulele.  I bought myself an ukulele for my birthday (my birthday being on the fourth of this month).  I am pledging, however, to learn to play my ukulele.  I played at playing piano, I clunked along on the clarinet, I noodled with the oboe, and a fiddled with the guitar.  It would be nice to stick with something.

My problem with my guitar is that it's body is so big, I can't get my right arm around it to strum.  Not so with the ukulele!  I have a Lanikai Soprano ukulele.  I bought it off of Amazon.  I'm eager to get to work!

Modern Woes

Why is it, that the one-touch-rescan-for-channels button is directly beneath the volume-down button on my remote?  It takes it a full two minutes to "find" said channels.  Of course, the channels do not exist as I do not have cable or satellite or anything of any sort.  My Xbox is the only source of entertainment when it comes to the TV.  It does quite nicely, of course, but when I try to decrease the volume, 2 times out of 10, I reset the channels.  In the meantime, the Xbox plays on happily.  My Xbox remote, of course, has turned itself off to save battery power, and I therefore cannot adequately pause my Netflix/Hulu.

Bah.  I think I'll go to sleep.  That will show the remote designers.

iPad Apps Need Not Apply

Dear websites that I otherwise willingly sign up for email updates: I do not have an iPad or an iPhone.  I do not, therefore, need an email a week advertising that you now have an app for them.  Please cease and desist.  And even if I did, I don't necessarily see why you need to advertise that you have one.  Either, a) you are somewhere to par with Twitter and would be remiss for not having an app, or b) have an app that seems to do nothing but repackage the website information that I already otherwise enjoy in a more convenient manor.

Your efforts are noted, please move on.

As for why I do not have an iPhone or iPad?  Well, I just can't justify the out of pocket expense.  I much prefer getting a laptop for about half the price with the same shelf life as a Macbook.  I've heard many a friend lament at the two-year lifespan of their laptops, and with one exception of a faulty motherboard, my PC's have lasted me just as well.  I have one faithful little Dell that is seven years old this year, and still works as good as it did then.  The same can be said, therefore, for iPhones.  I don't have $500+ to drop on a new phone every time it comes out.  My phones typically cost me $100 with contract renewal, and that's about the best I can do.  I personally don't feel the phones' superiority to my Android phones.  And I do not have a tablet whatsoever, as I still can't justify shelling out all those clams one my tight budget.  But if I did, I would spend the money on one that supported flash...as in NOT the iPad.  Perhaps that's why everyone has an iPad app--because their websites which are 70% reliant on flash do not work on iPads.  And Apple has managed to convince us that their product is superior, and it is simply our fault that we cannot adapt.

All of this is not to say that Steve Jobs/Apple-fiends/hipsters/artists out there are bad/evil/unlikable.  You're just wired different than me, and if Apple is what you value, that's great for you.  It's just not what I value.

Insomnia File #1

I have in insomnia tonight.  It's all resulting from medication that's supposed to knock me out.  I think I'm doing it wrong.  I'm also sick, miserable, and with no one for company other than two rats, a snake, and a turtle.  So to keep myself distracted, I've made the logical decision to list things about myself you probably never knew.  Or cared about.  Narcissism is truly the balm to all ails.

1. I love skulls.  No, really.  Not just my own--though it is my favorite.  I think they're cute.  And they're a reminder of the expiration date stamped on the bottom of our feet.  They make you appreciate the good times, and give you the patience to survive the bad.  Besides that, there is a part of me that enjoys the reaction I get out of the rest of my Christian friends when wearing skull earrings.
2. I bought a yellow truck so that I wouldn't lose my vehicle in the parking lot.
3. My skin is allergic to the deep south, and is threatening to slough off entirely if I don't move to a cooler climate.
4. My favorite thing about my Kinect for Xbox is yelling at it to play the next episode of Toddlers in Tiaras
5. I own six Captain America t-shirts, but I still love X-Men the best.  No one else seems to remember that Cap is not my favorite.  Sometimes even me.
6. When doodling myself, I always depict myself as having a pony-tail, no glasses, and rain boots.  In reality, I usually have a braid or a bun, I wear thick glasses, and I own no rain boots.  The doodles are a lie.
7. I own over sixty bottles of nail polish.
8. I have slept two out of the last 39 hours.  
9. The funniest and best book I've read in the last year is Patricia Brent, spinster written by Herbert George Jenkins during WWI.  (read / listen)
10. The song "Riu Chiu" as recorded by the Monkees is stuck in my head currently.  (watch)
11. I decided that I was a Beatles fan when I was in sixth grade without ever owning an album.  I have since purchased many albums, and am in awe at my blindly applied good taste.
12. I hate clowns.  And no, I will consequently never watch It.  I don't care if it's "not scary" as an adult.  My nightmares have enough red noses and fuzzy wigs in them without Tim Curry adding to the collection.

I'm going to try to go to sleep now.  Maybe Tim Curry won't follow me there.