iPad Apps Need Not Apply

Dear websites that I otherwise willingly sign up for email updates: I do not have an iPad or an iPhone.  I do not, therefore, need an email a week advertising that you now have an app for them.  Please cease and desist.  And even if I did, I don't necessarily see why you need to advertise that you have one.  Either, a) you are somewhere to par with Twitter and would be remiss for not having an app, or b) have an app that seems to do nothing but repackage the website information that I already otherwise enjoy in a more convenient manor.

Your efforts are noted, please move on.

As for why I do not have an iPhone or iPad?  Well, I just can't justify the out of pocket expense.  I much prefer getting a laptop for about half the price with the same shelf life as a Macbook.  I've heard many a friend lament at the two-year lifespan of their laptops, and with one exception of a faulty motherboard, my PC's have lasted me just as well.  I have one faithful little Dell that is seven years old this year, and still works as good as it did then.  The same can be said, therefore, for iPhones.  I don't have $500+ to drop on a new phone every time it comes out.  My phones typically cost me $100 with contract renewal, and that's about the best I can do.  I personally don't feel the phones' superiority to my Android phones.  And I do not have a tablet whatsoever, as I still can't justify shelling out all those clams one my tight budget.  But if I did, I would spend the money on one that supported flash...as in NOT the iPad.  Perhaps that's why everyone has an iPad app--because their websites which are 70% reliant on flash do not work on iPads.  And Apple has managed to convince us that their product is superior, and it is simply our fault that we cannot adapt.

All of this is not to say that Steve Jobs/Apple-fiends/hipsters/artists out there are bad/evil/unlikable.  You're just wired different than me, and if Apple is what you value, that's great for you.  It's just not what I value.

Insomnia File #1

I have in insomnia tonight.  It's all resulting from medication that's supposed to knock me out.  I think I'm doing it wrong.  I'm also sick, miserable, and with no one for company other than two rats, a snake, and a turtle.  So to keep myself distracted, I've made the logical decision to list things about myself you probably never knew.  Or cared about.  Narcissism is truly the balm to all ails.

1. I love skulls.  No, really.  Not just my own--though it is my favorite.  I think they're cute.  And they're a reminder of the expiration date stamped on the bottom of our feet.  They make you appreciate the good times, and give you the patience to survive the bad.  Besides that, there is a part of me that enjoys the reaction I get out of the rest of my Christian friends when wearing skull earrings.
2. I bought a yellow truck so that I wouldn't lose my vehicle in the parking lot.
3. My skin is allergic to the deep south, and is threatening to slough off entirely if I don't move to a cooler climate.
4. My favorite thing about my Kinect for Xbox is yelling at it to play the next episode of Toddlers in Tiaras
5. I own six Captain America t-shirts, but I still love X-Men the best.  No one else seems to remember that Cap is not my favorite.  Sometimes even me.
6. When doodling myself, I always depict myself as having a pony-tail, no glasses, and rain boots.  In reality, I usually have a braid or a bun, I wear thick glasses, and I own no rain boots.  The doodles are a lie.
7. I own over sixty bottles of nail polish.
8. I have slept two out of the last 39 hours.  
9. The funniest and best book I've read in the last year is Patricia Brent, spinster written by Herbert George Jenkins during WWI.  (read / listen)
10. The song "Riu Chiu" as recorded by the Monkees is stuck in my head currently.  (watch)
11. I decided that I was a Beatles fan when I was in sixth grade without ever owning an album.  I have since purchased many albums, and am in awe at my blindly applied good taste.
12. I hate clowns.  And no, I will consequently never watch It.  I don't care if it's "not scary" as an adult.  My nightmares have enough red noses and fuzzy wigs in them without Tim Curry adding to the collection.

I'm going to try to go to sleep now.  Maybe Tim Curry won't follow me there.  

Mutton for All!

So, it seems like I keep running into men whose most distinctive physical traits are their sideburns--more aptly described as "mutton chops."  By "running into," I really mean "come across in my perusal of literature, history, and literature depicting history."  Example: Gibbs from Pirates of the Caribbean (still not sure how I feel about Stranger Tides).  I am developing an unfortunate attachment to them.  I am probably more exposed to them due to my recent choices in literature, which is also influencing my recent choices in historical matters, but it is all moving in concentric circles at this point.  I still have no idea where the term "mutton chops" comes from, unless someone somewhere has some really ugly livestock.  I have, however, found some awesome chops.

Prince Albert was, more or less, the King of England, though lacking the title.  Maybe you've heard about him.  That Prince Albert in a can joke?  Yeah, that's where it gets its name.  There's another kind of Prince Albert that we won't talk about, though, due to its...inappropriate nature.  Back to the man, though.  He was a great leader, a fantastic non-philandering husband (did you know that "philander" starts with a "ph"?), a loving father, and a thoroughly modern man.  And, furthermore, he has great chops.  Just look at them!  Netflix recently added Young Victoria to the streaming list, and now I can't get enough reading on Victoria.  And with Victoria, comes Albert, the love of her life.  And with Albert comes facial hair.

Through my googling for mutton chops, one man kept resurfacing to a place of prominence--and with good reason.  Elisha Marshall has chops to the moon and more.  Just look at 'em!  About the only thing Wikipedia has on him is that he was a general for the Union Army out west.  Honestly, if this man is remembered for anything in the years to come, it will be his awesome heights of facial hair.

The term "side burn" supposedly comes from THIS man--Ambrose Burnside.  He was a soldier and a Rhode Island politician, and famous for his facial hair.  His chops are pretty off the charts.

This startling gentleman is Caspar David Friedrich.  He was a painter of landscapes.  It begs the question of why he allowed himself to be captured on canvas with such an odd expression on his face.  It looks like his left eyebrow is about to leap off of his face.  He did ensure, though, that his magnificent chops be recorded.  Good man.

Computer Problems

So, one of the computers in the open office area was acting up this morning.  I was called in as a "computer expert" (I assure you that they overestimate my abilities around here), and left to work on it.  About ten minutes later I had this conversation with a coworker that I shall call Mandy.

Mandy:  You still haven't figured out what's wrong with that thing?
Me:  No, so I'm doing a system restore.  It takes a while to complete.
Mandy:  Is that going to remove the accounting software we installed last year?
Me:  No, I only restored it to last week.
Mandy:  Oh...are you sure?
Me:  Quite.

If the accounting software was removed, it would be easy-peasy to reinstall it.  The whole thing is web-based, slow as snot on a cold day in January, but very easy to restore.  If I lost the database containing the information for our materials testing...well, that would truly be upsetting as I have no idea how to get it back.

I finally figured out what the problem was, though, AFTER I did the system restore.  The antivirus was updating and scanning at the same as soon as the computer booted.  All I had to do was open the antivirus (which took a while), cancel the scan, let it update the virus database, and then let it scan.  It's been golden since.  That poor little computer just couldn't handle it doing both at once.  I tried to explain the problem to "Tiffany," who uses that computer the most.  The conversation went something like this.

Me: I figured out what's wrong.  It's the antivirus.
Tiffany:  Well how'd that get on there?
Me:  It's on every computer...
Tiffany:  Well, no one else's computer is having this problem?  Are you sure they all have it?
Me:  Yes, I am.  The one on this computer is just malfunctioning because of some scheduling problems.
Tiffany:  Can't we just take it off the computer?
Me:  No.  That would only make things worse in the long run.
Tiffany:  But aren't those antiviruses bad for computers?
Me:  No, viruses are bad.  Antiviruses are good...just frustrating and painful at times.

In order to make her understand the problem, I ended up comparing the antivirus to a mammogram: painful to deal with but necessary for health.

Opening the Bonnet Carre

They're opening the spillway St. Charles Parish, because the Mississippi river is so high.  It's really getting started tomorrow morning, but it's already spilling over.

Psalm 30:1-5

I drew this when I couldn't stop crying.  I'm not saying that these were the magic words to make it all better.  It was really comforting.

Psalm 8

Psalm 8 in its entirety.

Think about a rose bush.  Maybe your grandmother or your aunt had one.  Don't worry about whether or not it's big.  A little rose bush is fine.  How many blooms are on it?  Fifty?  Thirty?  Twelve?  Think about it.  Think about each flower on the bush, no matter how few.  Think about the intricacies of each one.  Think about the uniqueness of each.  No two from that bush are exactly the same.  No two have the same exact coloring.  No two have the same exact petal shapes.  No two have the same number of thorns.

Now think about a big bin of apples at the grocery store.  Your favorite kind.  Now, you're only going to buy four apples.  How would you pick those four apples?  You would pick a certain size and a certain color.  You would make sure that your apples have no spots, and they're closest to what you like most in an apple.  Yet, all four will be different.  In fact every apple of that type in every bin in every grocery store in every country will be different.  No two alike.

Now think about if it were your job to design every apple different.  If it was your job to create every rose different.  That's a tall order.  But someone out there does that: God.  He created EVERYTHING.  What's more, he created you.

In Psalm 8, David is marveling at God's creative powers, his importance in the universe.  And yet, even though he is so great and so mighty, he chooses to think of him--a single man.  And he cares for you, too.

Psalm 34:17-18

"The Righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from their troubles.  The Lord is close the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Broken Bones

We had a group come in from South Carolina come in, and a few of the male chaperones constructed our lovely new playset.  It has two levels, but it's still safer than our old one.  The children are ecstatic, the adults are tired, and I'm feeling like an old lady because I'm worried for their safety.  Maybe it's just our kids.  They tend to try dumb stuff at least once.

Noah Knew

Have you seen these people?  Honestly, I live in a cave with little media influence, and I get most of my news from the front page of yahoo.  And I'm a google user.  Whatever.  But I started hearing people on campus laughing about May 21st.  So I looked it up.  Oh.  My.  Word.

"We Can Know."  Know what?  The date of Jesus' return.  How?  Because Noah knew.  Jesus even said that it will be like the time of Noah.

"As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man." (Mat. 24:37).

Of course, Jesus couldn't have been talking about the moral depravity of the time, or anything like that.  Oh wait.  He probably did:

"For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. "  (Mat 24:38-39).

I guess what they mean is that we're like Noah if we're Christians, so we can know.  Or something.  Of course, these verses are preceded by Matthew 24:36

“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."


How did they get to May 21st?  There is a looooong-winded numerological reason as to why.  Honestly, I couldn't type it all up.  Basically, since Harold Camping says that since the church is at the end of the Biblical age, it can now be discerned, because of a great verse in Ecclesiastes 8:5

"Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure."  

Note that God is telling them to obey their earthly king in this section.  Even better, though, Ecclesiastes 8:7 says:


"Since no one knows the future, who can tell someone else what is to come?"


And the numerological lengths he goes to...numbers of shekels and whatnot...it's ridiculous!  What's more, Harold Camping, the man behind it already predicted that the world would end in 1994.  He's already 0 for 1.    Check out more about his illustrious career--here.

Spiritual Zombies

So I am a bit warped.  Today, I was in Personal Evangelism--which is an entirely respectable class--and Dr. Nix was reminding us of the condition of the lost, as we are apt to forget what it is like to be separated from Jesus.  See?  Shining and respectable.  The first point in the lecture was that the lost were under sin.  So, of course, I imagined a little man being buried under a rock labeled "sin".

The next point in the lecture was that the lost are spiritually dead.  Dr. Nix described them as just going through the motions--they come to church, they sing the songs, they pray out loud, but inside they're still dead.  They're just walking about dead--kind of like zombies.  Yes, his term originally, but you know that I championed it.  I was then overwhelmed by the image of zombies filling up a sanctuary and singing "Brethren We Have Come to Worship" in a slurring fashion.

The next point in the lecture was that the lost are "children of wrath."  Of course, the zombies then attacked the non-zombie choir in the choir loft.  There was great carnage.

The fourth point on the slide show stated that the lost are "without hope."  So, after decimating the choir in the choir loft, the zombies went back to the pews, and laid on them weeping because they have no hope as they had eaten every human in the church.

The fifth point informed me that the lost have "no peace."  Of course, at that point, an unsuspecting group of hippies in a VW microbus pull into the church parking lot, and stumbled into the sanctuary.  They were wearing peace sign necklaces and the zombies ripped them off before eating the hippies.  Dr. Nix went on to say that lost people try to find peace in their lives by filling it with drugs and sex, which are self-destructive behaviors.  So, a few of the zombies were trying to shoot up, a few were looking for a room, and a few had dynamite strapped to their stomachs, and blew up.  Very self destructive.  Dr. Nix then told us that this behavior was like sticking stuff in a black hole.  So, a black hole opened up under the pew where Mrs. Tuttle kept her special seat cushion, and sucked up most of the zombies.

The sixth and final point was that lost people are "spiritually blind."  Dr. Nix asked, "If you're blind, what do you need?"  I responded--no kidding--out loud, "Eyeballs."  Someone else said, "Sight," so he went with that, but it was too late for me.  I had already said "eyeballs."  So the remaining zombies had managed to lose their eyeballs in the black hole before it closed, so they are down on the floor of the sanctuary on hands and knees searching for eyeballs.  One of them is looking for a second eyeball, but his first eye is hanging on by a nerve.

After the slideshow, Dr. Nix showed us a video depicting several lost people in very real, very upsetting situations.  The last person on the video was a homeless man who lost everything including his family.  He asked the camera, "Anybody know where I can get a new life?"

Well, then, the last surviving zombie, asked me if I knew where he could get a new life, because he was hungry.

It is highly irresponsible for Dr. Nix to mention zombies in the middle of such great imagination fodder.

I'm a PC.

So, I am a PC, and yes, I'm even operating from Vista.  It doesn't upset me.  I know it's garbage, but I'm okay with that.  I got it at a great deal, and so far, it isn't inhibiting my life.  I know that both Windows 7 and Windows XP are better than Vista.  I'm not arguing that.  I also know that the newest Mac is also supposed to be better than all of them.  I've never cared for Mac.  Yes, they are wonderfully stable, but when you've been compatible with almost nothing, that works out well for you.  They are immune to most viruses, but in the past that may have had to do with the relatively low number of Mac users (yes, I am well aware that it is on the rise).  Wonderful for Mac users, that's fine.  Wonderful.  I am glad for you.  I have two distinct problems with Macs: 1) they have dumbed down computers, and 2) they're way too expensive.  Come on Mac users, even you have to agree on that.  I don't want to pay the extra just for mine to have a piece of fruit on the outside.  But you know what?  I'm not even griping about that today.

I was listening in on two girls in class today.  One of them was coaxing her MacBook to life, and it was makign a horrendous noise.  I, being a PC, was snickering inwardly, but didn't say anything.  Fellow-MacBook-girl was giving dying-MacBook-girl her condolences over her ailing machine.  Dying-MacBook-girl said that she was concerned because it was nearly three-and-a-half years old.  Fellow-MacBook-girl commented that her last MacBook hadn't lasted that long.

I have a six-and-a-half-year-old Dell running Windows XP that works just as well as well as it did day 1.  Granted, my needs have exceeded its original capabilities, but it still does what it always did quite well.  I reset it once, after a nasty virus, but it works great.  It has an non-wide-screen shape, and it's kinda thick, but it's a brick.  Honestly, though, other than size (and logically, and not untimely outdated design), it's perfectly fine.  In fact, I use it for a TV right now (to stream my media).

The Macbook has only been available since 2006, and apparently, people are wearing them out.  These all might, all powerful, Macbooks sound like they have three-year shelf life.  Why?  They're ultra-stable, unlike my Dell.  They're impervious to viruses, unlike my Dell.  They're apparently sent to earth by God on high for the soul purpose of giving us temporary happiness, unlike my Dell.  And yet, they break that easy?  I can't afford anything that expensive every three years.  This Vista has lasted me a whole year, and if I have to replace it in two years, then I will not have wasted that much money, or really that much heartache.  Maybe the newer ones are more awesome.  Maybe they'll last longer.  But honestly, I'm not impressed.  If and when my HP running Vista goes out, I will be filling the gap between computers using the green brick that is my Dell.  I'm hoping by that point, we'll have Google laptops, and I'll ditch Windows for something that's actually, you know, better and cheaper.

"Good bargains are pick-pockets." --Thomas Fuller

I love the $2.50 movie bin at Wal-Mart.  I bought sixteen movies and thirteen episodes for $5.  Granted, these movies are worthy of MST3K (no, literally--one of them is Hercules Against the Moon Men is an episode), but the entire first season "21 Jump Street" are worth at least $2.50.  As a lover of terrible movies, though, I think I will enjoy this collection.  The collection itself is entitled "Clash of the Olympians."  Mostly, they're Hercules movies and a few giant movies, all released between 1959-1964.  The packaging is as cheap as used tissues, though.  Each box is about as thick as two standard DVD cases, but contained within is each disc in a paper sleeve with a plastic window.  That's the difference between a $5 movie and $2.50 movie.

I really do love terrible movies, though.  Troy, for instance, is a terrible movie, but I can watch it thirty times in a row, though, I usually do watch it in French.  Achilles is less whiny that way.  I also happen to love Devon's Ghost, which you've never heard of, but is plain awful.  And I love it.

Hopefully, the Clash of the Olympians collection will be equally terrible and enjoyable.

“True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.” --Arthur Ashe

Okay, tell me this doesn't sound awful:

"Playful Pals: Paralyzed Veterans of America Calendar"

Admittedly there is a puppy and a kitten on the cover, but still.  Just the sound of it.  And the cover picture doesn't seem that "playful."  More like the puppy himself is paralyzed in his back legs, and the kitten is taking advantage of it and nipping at his nose.  The rest of the pictures are either for the animals alone, simply coexisting (but not playing), or one nipping/smooshing/taking advantage of the other.  So, paralyzed veterans can coexist, sit and look lonely by themselves, or be picked on because of their inability to fight back.  It's a terrific calendar.  It's also last year's calendar.

This year's is all about humming birds--because when I think of paralyzed heroes, I think goofy little birds that can hover in place.  The title is--get this--"Hum Along."  So it makes me think the humming sound that those scooter chairs make.  Some of them probably use those scooter chairs--if they can afford them, that is.  The pictures themselves aren't that offensive, but completely incongruous.

Puppies, kitties, and humming birds all seem to be out of place in a calendar to support the paralyzed veterans.  If I were designing one, I would fill it with pictures of the paralyzed veterans serving others before they lost their mobility.  I don't want anyone to pity them, because they don't deserve pity.  I want people to remember the things they did to help us, so that now, when they need help, we don't miss the opportunity to return the favor.  "Patriotism" is very "in" right now.  I think you could make a bundle with these calendars if you just made them right.  It would help to support them, it would make their sacrifices known, and it would (above all) protect their dignity.  They're not "playful pals" or "humming along," they're wounded heroes.  They gave all to protect us, or in some cases rescue us from natural disasters.

Furthermore, I don't like cheap calendars about humming birds, puppies, and kitties.  My grandmother probably does, but let's face it, they're dying out.  Let's tap into the younger generations by appealing to their intelligence, and their heart.  And my grandmother would probably still buy the calendar if it showed pictures of the veterans before they got out of the military.  Can't you see it?  A picture of someone from the national guard helping a family during a flood; a picture of someone in the coast guard fishing someone out of the water; a picture of a guy in Iraq with his army buddies; a picture of a guard in the snow for Christmas.  Show these guys with all the dignity and honor they deserve, and then let them reap the benefits.

And yes, we will call it something like "Wounded Heroes," because they are still heroes, even if they can't walk anymore.  They earned the title.  You can't take it away just because their legs don't work.